What, in the name of Credit Crunch…?
What, in the name of Credit Crunch…?
By Ngaire-Elizabeth Pratt 10/05/2009
This is how the credit crunch means nothing to me. Glorious 2008. The world was my lobster and I was Queen Crab. A superbly enjoyable role within a large Publishing company coupled with a part-time work from home job, combined with singing in a local band provided the basis for a thriving social life and endless (useless) materialistic commodities. At 24, I was living in the greatest city in the world, and presumed myself indestructible. The words ‘slump,’ and ‘depression,’ were hollow phrases a world away, I was untouchable.
This is how the credit crunch has demolished me. 2009 brought with it hardship, fret and privation. After losing my permanent job, running out of free-lance work, and having all gigs cancelled, I came crashing down with an almighty wallop. It didn’t just rain; it bucketed down with acidic blizzards torrentially pouring on my soul. I went from being the happiest 24 year old in England to overwhelmingly dejected. Having always been an exceptionally hard worker (as my references will support…) and being a rare beast who enjoyed working, it shocked my whole being to go from three jobs to unequivocal unemployment. I have illogically become unemployable.
How the credit crunch rejected and dejected me. When discussing with peers, their, ‘something will come along soon,’ and, ‘you and two million other people,’ remarks only push the salt deeper into the wound. Realisation comes with the hardest slap in the face, recognising a position that two years ago would have been handed to me on a plate is now so highly contended that candidates with 10 years more experience and 10 more qualifications are competing. The job market has become obsolete for a 25 year old graduate with half a CIPD and a years marketing experience. What use am I? On the recessional land fill, my career and future decomposing faster than a half-eaten apple.
How the credit crunch crept up on me. I have strained previously strong friendships through my constant refusal of invitations, my consistent monotonous drones about ‘my situation’ and my general loss of optimism.
Of course I have intelligent friends who mystically foretold the future, who hoarded their spare income whilst I frivolously squandered my minimal surplus remuneration on ‘socialising.’ And shoes. But at 25 and imperishable, not only does the ‘rainy day’ not require consideration, it is inconceivable. Yet, aforementioned intelligent friends are now shrewdly investing in the distressed property market, procuring bargain portfolios and preparing for retirement at forty.
How the credit crunch fooled me. I consider my degree a lie. The labour government broke fee increase promises, devalued the worth of the degree and scammed us into loan agreements that deceived us. Realising the (de-)value of the degree, post-graduation, I endeavoured to prove I was ‘better than average’ (the 50% of people being pushed into higher education) by undertaking a self-funded professional qualification. Check mate. Without significant experience I’m unemployable. Over-competent; under practised. The classic catch-22. I would be decidedly indebted to the individual who is able to provide resolution. I am a broken spirit, applying for roles with titles such as ‘envelope stuffer’ post rejection from white-collar posts citing my inexperience, and rebuffed from blue-collar roles claiming my over-qualification- they (somewhat appropriately) fear training will be wasted on a candidate who will abscond at the first prospect of career progression.
This is how the credit crunch has disheartened me. I fear it is pilfering my bliss, darkening my shadows and gnawing at my soul. My foreseeable future and definite present, is awash with trawling the jobsites everyday, buying papers every week, applying for anything with a vague hint of apposite, and making the fortnightly ‘walk of shame’ to the jobcentre to join the two-million other citizens draining the already stretched benefit system.
This is how the credit crunch has denigrated me. I would give my right arm to be back in that dead-end office job with the unreasonable tyrant of a foul-mouthed boss and extrovertly perverse colleagues. This is the credit crunch, devaluing myself is a necessity, I am no longer ‘worth’ what I once was. Depression in every sense of the word.
This is how the credit crunch has deprived me. Begging my parents for ‘help’ with the rent, who imprudently believed on my graduation day that the ‘bank of mum and dad’ would go the same way as Lehman Brothers and close forever. Little did they predict I would end up on the recession scrap heap soon after, with rent contracts and bill commitments that must be satisfied.
This is what the credit crunch means to me. A twist in the ‘perfect relationship’ I’ve enjoyed since my teenage years, now reduced to quarrels over money (or lack thereof) and resentment on my behalf for being the cause of the despondency and antipathy on his behalf for my declining self-assurance. The ‘mortgage’ we had in our dreams now a distant memory from when the future looked promising, wrestled from our clutches like the proverbial sweet from the baby, with all too much ease.
This is what the credit crunch has done to me. I have turned into a ‘grumpy old woman,’ unemployed with rapidly depreciating self-worth and hopes declining by the day.
This is how the credit crunch has humbled me. No longer do I look down on people less fortunate than I once was, I am now amongst the multitude being looked down upon. I finally realise how it is not a choice, but a series of unfortunate results. I finally recognise in the face of desperation turning to the most unpalatable depths is often through necessity. I finally admire those willing to go to any lengths and using any means possible to ensure they can provide for their families. I finally truly understand my fortune in terms of family and friends, health and education. I finally understand the reasons for faith.
This is what the credit crunch will do for me. I refuse to succumb to the trap of unemployment. I will fight harder, I will communicate better, I will not allow myself to be a victim of the banks greed. I will not lose my sparkle. I am somebody. I will stand up and be counted. I will emerge victorious and admired, will be an exemplar for the recession refugees, I will not rest until I achieve my potential.
I just need to get a job first.
This is how the credit crunch will destroy me.
© 2009 Ngaire-Elizabeth Pratt